“Splitting” In Borderline Personality Disorder: What You Should Know


NARRATOR:You’ve heard of Borderline Personality Disorder but have you heard of splitting? Here are some examples and what it means for those with BPD Splitting is a phenomenon in which a person often with Borderline Personality Disorder is where we see it will either see things as all good or all bad There’s no grey This most often happens with people So where this gets confusing is They may literally view someone as “This is the best Doctor I have ever had he is a LIFESAVER” There is no greater doctor But the First time the doctor disappoints them: “You are the worst Doctor Ever. I’m going to post a bad Yelp! review about you. You are a monster.” So you went from Pedestal to trash heap in a day. KITTLESTON: In a day
D: Versus “You are a great Doctor, however…” There’s no grey. So that tendency to split it can be about people, it can be about situations, in some ways it can even be about themselves. This is the tendency in Borderline Personality Disorder to not be able to view things Holistically. So the best example I can give you is how an infant experiences its mother early in life. or its caregiver if you will- When that baby wants its care giver, -lets call it mom just to make it simple when that baby wants mom and moms not there, thats bad mom. D- Scream scream scream, Mommy comes, mommy feeds baby- Good mommy. And those, that psychoanalytic theorists would argue, those are experienced as two separate people. As the child’s personality and psychology evolves that gets integrated into a whole person. Sometimes mommy is there when she needs to be, Some times shes not. But Mommy is Mommy. An d I love her. *Agree mumbles*
Okay, that’s an integrated whole. The idea of splitting can come from a couple of different places. If indeed a person with Borderline Personality did experience Truama earlier in life, the splitting may have been a defense. Let’s say they were abused by someone- There was a good safe version of that person, and then there was the dangerous, abusive version of that person Its really hard for a child to reconcile all that into one person. That tendency to split can then generalize. For the person with Borderline personality as having a dark mood and a light mood. Same thing. It is hard to integrate. The inability to integrate is where that splitting comes up. Splitting however is really confusing for the people around the individual. How could I have been such a great person this morning and now you think I am the devil and it is lunch time and the answer to that is simple. The are splitting. They almost view you as two different people and I can say to you as a clinician I have had clients that will say that you are the worst therapist in the world I hate you and I am going to quit therapy. And I have to calmly hold them, support them in essence almost like they are the crying baby. And say I understand you are upset. I was late or whatever their reason was to get upset at me. And hopefully we can see if we can integrate back to the not that I am the greatest therapist ever but simply that I am their therapist and we are working together. You dont want them to go back to that ? I dont need them to think I am the greatest.I just need them to see that I am a consistent presence in their life. Not all bad. Not all good. But the therapist. And then Do you tell them, hey, you just had an episode of Splitting? Yeah you can point that out. Wow Say

100 Responses

  1. machiavellimadman says:

    Will you marry me Dr. Ramani

  2. Lezbeinlove says:

    The problem with me is. Sometimes when someone gets realllly far into the "bad" side.. Even if they're being nice to me and everyone else is seeing it. It always seem to me as if it's all pretence. Maybe it's just "trust issues". I'm so confused with myself.. 😅😅😅

  3. MedCircle says:

    Learn actionable strategies for dealing with BPD by watching our full exclusive series on the topic HERE: http://bit.ly/31JyNGK

  4. melophobia says:

    If I think I have bpd and want to seek help should I let them know I think I have this or should I not say anything in case i don’t get misdiagnosed.. but I really feel like I have this I don’t know what to do

  5. M Green says:

    I was the middle child on top of this bpd 🙁

  6. Hairy Chinese Kid says:

    because the sense of self is so broken that you look for reflection in every relationship and when they act a certain way you internalise it like it is because of you.

  7. Autre Temps says:

    "Cats split a lot" is hilarious )))) And also quite true

  8. bee 10 says:

    I have bpd can this.

  9. Zamiiz says:

    I wish you were my therapist, damn

  10. Heather Mosher says:

    We need subtitles please

  11. le th says:

    This guys eyes STILL freak me out when I pause the video. He has the eyes of a sociopath, and his stare makes me shiver, yet he's a really great interviewer who seems to ask the perfect questions with each professional.

  12. Exploring With Jared says:

    I wish she was my therapist she makes me feel so peaceful about having such a shitty mental disorder

  13. Ll Gz says:

    You want them to humanize their abuser?
    good use of time…

  14. Ll Gz says:

    Hey. People know their why. They don't need to spill to a doctor, to watch him piece together what you deeply already know, like watching paint dry.
    Just list the coping skills.

  15. Sathish Yadav says:

    Wow… "You are their partner not their Therapist" whatta statement 🙂

  16. The Dashing Rogue says:

    The accusation of splitting is not evidence of splitting having a difference of aesthetics or crafting your own world view of what is good or evil is not splitting & that is a fact.

  17. Julia Lundgren says:

    In the moment of splitting we’re feeling emotional triggered- the reaction or the split seems very much valided to the person at the moment. It’s black and white thinking- good and bad- so if your bad- were going to be so caught up in what happened and expressing it that it’s not going to be seen as polar to us. It’s very much a betrayal or wrongdoing and most of the time we’ll want to immediately cut ties after its goes bad. Sometimes out of embarrassment or shame in later realizing we overacted- I’ve learned to apologize when needed. Or “take something’s on the chin” but what bothers me as in living with bpd doesn’t bother others. I’ll loose hours in a passive aggressive comment. Someone told me to pick up my dogs poop while I was already getting the bag and it’s like the worst thing ever. I wrote her a strongly worded letter and a month later am still on the resentments. Very resentful person. No, we don’t know we split. It’s an impulsive emotional reaction and usually can be without any self control. Also I say we “shift” our identity as well, as good or bad depending on mood and mannerisms and style will change as well. It’s not rare to see me in black head to toe and combat boots and next in a pick sundress with bows… I change and shift within my identity… I try to to be as impulsive or self destructive or reckless- after years of consequences for coping by substance abuse (alcohol) and being a sober member of AA- I take methadone and it quites the craving for substance abuse. It’s helped me tremendously. The scariest moment of my bpd was my psychosis and complete disassociation. I had repressed trauma resurface in my early 20s. 23. And I realized what my dad did and my home life was extremely abusive and not normal. All awhile in a domestically abusive relationship and being one who doesn’t handle abandonment it was just everything all in one and I thought I was the recarniated saint Julia and the second coming of Jesus was about to happen. It all seemed so real and I ran around like that till my dad took me to the pastor and he said I had demonic bondages and did an exercism and baptized me. I had a mantra that grounded my identity…. and that is my bpd disassociation story… there’s more to it… but it took a long time to figure out cuz….yeah. My dads a missionary in Peru. Baptist evangelical so it makes sense he did that and honest it sealed an unwaving faith in my identity. An anchor, if u will…. okay .. yeah… I’m done.

  18. Julia Lundgren says:

    There are different types of bpd detached, aggressive, sucidial, isolating. I isolate and don’t have important relationships in my life. I’ll drop anyone on a red flag. Family, friends, jobs…. very impulsive and will just walk off and out. I like my solitude and don’t really care to have ppl in my life. Not big on relationships. I have one friend and talk to my parents. Yup.

    there’s also 4 schemas to it.. anger child, impulsive child, detached prosecutor and punitive parent … we aim for healthy adult these days. 😉

  19. Julia Lundgren says:

    Kinda talk to my dad. So one friend and my mom. At 34.

  20. Bam Bam says:

    Thank you for these videos 🙂

  21. YEAR OF THE ROOSTER says:

    Would not trash heap be over diagnosing ?

  22. Allegretta Alive says:

    You don’t need the interviewer for these videos

  23. Kevin Stark says:

    It's so hard to handle my emotions love hate it kills me emotions are so strong I feel as if there's a demon in me to torment me an myfeelings an emotions this disease is so damn hard on me it tears me apart so badly I feel for anyone who has mental illness my heart goes out for you an ur stronger than ur illness this illness BPD is so hard an so intense an so strong on me I lived with these emotions an anger for all my life burns from lighters an cigarettes an scars from razors all over it's so sad to deal with this I cry a lot sad depressed happy angry all day every day meds don't seem to help I been in an out of spsyce units over this an suicide attempts just so hard an not knowing who you are will leave you so lost in this world 💔

  24. OneGrlRevolution says:

    This guy is a total DICK.

  25. Kathrina Cabahug says:

    My 13 years old brother has BPD can give me advices how to deal with him? Badly need it.thank u so much🙏🙏🙏

  26. Tim Godshall says:

    Living like this is truley hell I'm the 1 with bpd I love my women so much but I just push her away more and more now she's gone forever help

  27. Ryan Corrigan says:

    I experience this ALL the time. Fuck BPD.

  28. Fancy681 says:

    This is me with EVERYONE! My doctor, my husband, my friends, etc. Whoa!

  29. Fancy681 says:

    Oh my god… I started watching this and my hubby asked me to video him playing his guitar and my brain went to my brother. How he was texting me thr other day and 2 days later hes facetiming with my mom and doesnt fucking text me. I feel like he abandoned me because he chose to do that and not text me so I havent texted him since. Then my mind went to when i have my appointment with my referred psychiatrist and i imagined him telling me I'm not bpd and my heart started racing because I'm scared he wont beleive me. Wtf?!?!

  30. Dean Claxton says:

    It's a shame no caution is advised to anyone who gets romantically involved with a BPD. They will distroy your life. Don't not open your heart until you are 100% sure you now the person your dating. Erratic mood changes is a cause of concern

  31. Wendy Winn says:

    Where is ur dog?

  32. 1fellowmellow says:

    The guy reminds me of Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation, a hilarious character on a sitcom, but incredibly condescending in real life.

  33. NPC #7125366 says:

    Borderlines are evil. They are bad people. If they weren’t there wouldn’t be so many YouTube videos/Internet thread saying “our borderlines bad people”, there are many with titles of that variation using the words “bad” or “evil”. I have never heard anybody talk about people with “borderline personality disorder“ and had them say “oh yes such and such is a wonderful person/a joy to be around”. Lies, manipulation, anger, sourness more lies and cheating… Oh yes wonderful wonderful people. It’s a mental disorder that essentially just makes you a horrendous person.

    I speak from my experience as well as the experiences of others and anything I’ve ever read. Sometimes bad it’s just bad.

  34. sydmmr1985 says:

    The Interviewer is extremely rude

  35. stacey williams says:

    This guy kinda sucks. He has a attitude towards it. Even commented “borderline, you mean to grow up” then compares people to cats. I like her but he sucks esp if you do have BPD.

  36. Bringem Young PBUH says:

    Is delusional thinking part of BPD? My ex told me about getting lost as a three year old and survived by making fire by rubbing two sticks together. She told some other stories, but that was the most obviously delusional.

  37. John Camp says:

    I’m splitting now, I don’t really like him, but to hear her I am just completely blocking him out.

  38. Termeh Hodjati says:

    Please for future videos, DO NOT USE THIS MAN. It's very insulting what he says. His remarks are rude and just unneeded. Comparing my mental disorder to a cat? This is absurd.

  39. john gaither says:

    Full of shite. Posted to make money

  40. Kaiser Zephan says:

    But …………. why ?

  41. Mark Jamson says:

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  42. Mark Jamson says:

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  43. Alicia McGilloway says:

    I hate this interviewer, he's rude saying we need to grow up, he has no care about this mental health issue. And to say we're like cats, wtf is wrong with you? I guess you could say I'm splitting now cause I hate you for being so rude!! 😡🤬 Please don't use this interviewer again, he does not have empathy towards people with mental health problems. I have BPD and I don't like being referred to as being like a cat, I'm trying to learn all I can about my illness and I don't like being told to grow up as if we are acting like a kid on purpose. I was abused all my life and I don't like feeling like I'm being abused by someone I don't know for having BPD.

  44. TEKKYST TBU says:

    Was the craziest 18 years of my life to watch him become so many different versions of himself, to feel for so long it was something wrong in me to be duped by my own humanity unable to not pity, feel the need to comfort and solve!

  45. Jasmine Catron says:

    "Yeah and grow up a little bit" 😒😒 I like to think im very mature and ive been told I'm very mature, my emotions are just out of my control. That has nothing to do with "growing up a little bit".

  46. Katherine McGraw says:

    Never mind….found what I was looking for

  47. Mardas Man says:

    My BPD ex just broke up with me two weeks ago, and she insulted me so hard that it made me feel depressed. Now I realize that she‘s splitting, the same way that she was splitting, when she put me on that pedestal before we were together.
    I can recover from her extreme negative judgement now that I know that she‘s splitting

  48. Michael Edwards says:

    she is good lookin..lol wish you was my counselor..lol

  49. Errol Flynn's Swashbuckling Revenge says:

    I wish BPDs didn't exist, the emotional and psychological damage they cause to innocent people is staggering. They're evil. I have no sympathy for them.

  50. Daniel 1 says:

    She's very knowledgeable! The interview was very informative! Thanks!

  51. Michelle Morrison says:

    I’m obsessed with Dr. Ramani…so smart, strong, compassionate, and incredible well spoken!! Thank you for all of this information 🤗

  52. Emokiriemi Abednego says:

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  53. Iván Carrasco says:

    That sounds like DID

  54. Liberty Cap says:

    Do not comment if you are American, as you sound like cartoon characters

  55. Emokiriemi Abednego says:

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  56. mo arroz says:

    I've actually seen BPD folks "splitting" towards the therapist in the comment section…Saying she's uneducated and is not speaking the right way on the issues at hand. Even going as far to say that she is dangerous for speaking certain ways. I think this video in particular definitely helping me understand BPD more in depth. She does a good job showing compassion for various disorders.

  57. Hal K. says:

    I am 95% certain The woman I am in a relationship with has borderline personality disorder. I see evidence of it time and time again. I love her with all my heart and soul, and I want to help her. I want a future with her. If she doesn’t know she has it what can I do? Is there a way I can open up a dialogue whereby the subject may come up? About two years ago she and I went to a psychologist for couples therapy because we were having issues. Specifically, she had trust issues with me. There were instances in which she was convinced I cheated, yet I didn’t. Subsequent to the visit my partner told me she did not want to go back. I was surprised because I was the one who was put on the hot seat during the entire session. My partner asked me to call the therapist and tell her we were not going to return. I did so and after a short conversation the therapist asked me to put my therapist hat on. I have had some experience in counseling and my major was applied behavioral sciences. I thought it was an unfair position to put me in, yet I did so. The Therapist asked me if I were to choose a disorder and diagnose my partner with it, what would it be? I told her I felt like my partner had a personality disorder. The therapist pressed further, asking me what disorder specifically? I said borderline. She replied, I agree. Again, what can I do to bring this subject to light because I am certain my partner is unaware she has this disorder?

  58. Dannyboy12374 says:

    Fire this guy. He sucks. Views will go up without him

  59. rose says:

    love the therapist, new interviewer us NOOOWWW tho!

  60. fauxsidjas says:

    the interviewer clearly doesn’t understand anything she’s saying if he’s saying things that can be taken one way and a million other ways, on a BPD topic. does he want hate comments? cause he doesn’t get it’s easily insulting to some of us. fuckwit.

  61. Skeleton Cakes080 says:

    “Grow up a little bit” yes let me grow up a little bit from my childhood trauma of my mom being stabbed or death in front of me bro 😂😂😂

    Maybe that’s why I’m fucked up 😂

  62. Steven Watson says:

    I have a borderline who attacked me in the back made 6 different lies/excuses and even though it's on video denies it and calls me crazy just like with everything else she's done

  63. Debra Clark says:

    THIS PLANET IS BASED ON ….."THE SPLIT"….RIGHT…ha….AS IN OUR "INCARNATIONS" WE SPLIT BETWEEN MALE & FEMALE…WE SPLIT INTO "FRACTALS" OF THE DIVINE, WE SPLIT INTO DIFFERENT "ASPECTS" TO LIVE IN DIFFERENT TIMELINES AT THE SAME TIME. LIVING WITH A NARCISSIST IS A LONG, PAINFUL, SELF-DIMINISHING EXISTENCE & IS SO F.U. FOR KIDS & FAMILY & SPOUSES & PETS. IF NOT REALLY "INVESTED" ALREADY…I ADVISE RUN…RUN FAST…BEFORE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND….& DON'T LOOK BACK! YOU WILL WISH YOU HAD!

  64. Rose Duffy says:

    What can I do with a so called friend who has said to me that I compete with her mental illness. I did everything for her when she was ill. This was my second suicide attempt, no attention seeker . I cannot forgive her and feel this rage. I'm surprised I've not been arrested as I've told her I will hit her so fucking hard. I should have walked years ago as on first face I could not stand her. She is needy and is a narcissist . I wit never trust again. Just my dog and cat.

  65. Karyl Marie says:

    Medcircle, What would the odds be that a married couple both have BPD?
    The male side shows stronger, anger signs/tendecies, to the point of hitting.
    The female side shows stronger, sad , depressed, and suicidal signs/tendecies.

  66. Dryer Machine says:

    I got diagnosed with BPD two days ago and all of this is so true

  67. Barbara says:

    This truly is Donald Trump's behavior, splitting among a few other personality disorders

  68. Rhianna williams says:

    Where did they find this joker of a host?. I've watched several discussions with this phenomenal doctor, but this host is so unprofessional and quite distasteful in his ways of how he may see some traits of mental health. Your comments sir are offensive and naive. I was excited about signing up with Medcircle, but if this is the face of their program I will have to pass. Watch what you say. This is a health matter for people that they cant help. The doctor is always eloquantly quick to deal with your foolish and offensive comments, and try and take it back to a professional level, but you ruin just about every interview. She pulls it through, and I think she is amazing at her profession. Medcircle…I'm ashamed that you wouldnt see how this host is nothing more than an untrained, inexperienced, self consumed man trying to wear the shoes of an professional interviewer.

  69. janay says:

    "grow up a little bit" he says. yea this is the shit people say that don't understand BPD. today i realized that i have had BPD tendencies for years. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. all my life my father has called me a cry baby, and say that i'm sensitive instead of trying to see what is wrong with his daughter. in the black community having this "grow up a little bit" ass attitude was the reason i almost took my life.

  70. alsunpilsut says:

    Sounds like Trump 😂. Sorry. No offence. I suffer from BPD too so I know what it's like to have a very black and white concept of the world.

  71. guesswhotutu says:

    Trying to disclose my BPD symptoms well enough for friends and family is so nerve-wracking, exacerbating my fear of being unlovable. Thank you for this video!

  72. B S says:

    https://youtu.be/q4KjxxPp3Ls

  73. Sarah Johnson says:

    Thanks for this video. Not sure if a former friend is BPD but she has a lot of the characteristics. When our friendship ended, I told her I hope she gets help. I could no longer tolerate her childish and abusive behaviour.

  74. Annie says:

    Doctor is good but looks like drama queen

  75. Annie says:

    She was natural at the end of vdo..

  76. TheLaura21774 says:

    I am a psychiatric nurse and have worked with a lot of BPD clients. It can be really surreal at times. I had a client that I used to see in the community every week. There were moments when I was "the only person that helps me" and the next week she was at our office literally screaming in my face and all I would say is "I can see you're angry, I'm sorry you feel that way" which in turn just made her more angry and I would be back to her favorite person again. You have to VERY consciously not take that personally.

  77. James Johnson says:

    Her: "Sometimes mommy's mommy"
    Interviewer: "Woowwww"

  78. ColorfulSweet says:

    Omg this video has me crying! Understanding my behavior and seeing how the traumas have lead to this. I never knew bpd existed. I’ve not been able to keep a close relationship for long. My roommate pointed out this year that I might have bpd cause I kept splitting with her. I HATE SPLITTING. It makes it so hard for my close loved ones. I didn’t really even understand it til now. I see a therapist and I don’t even know if that is helping. I’m into yoga and meditation, dance, I make music, I teach, I work with kids. I’m “functional.”
    but when it comes to relationships, I either love or hate them. I’m a different person that I’m ashamed of and I’m shocked at how mean, irritable, jusgemental I could be when I do so much work for compassion. It’s like it’s gotten worse because I’m working on having a romantic relationship and the closer we get the more tumultuous it has become 🙁 I have hope. But it’s hard and it sucks and makes me angry at the shit i’ve had to go through in my life.

  79. managra says:

    I would give ANYTHING for dr ramini to explain how to deal with splitting when it comes to a narcissist. I know the score but I always fall into the Trap when he's being completely nice and normal but then something unpredictable happens and he splits and it's impossible to even remind him how he felt about me even minutes beforehand. He can go from asking me where I want to go on vacation next month to asking me to stay at a hotel over the weekend since he's throwing me out anyway in the blink of an eye. How do you remind them that they were loving on you minutes ago?

  80. Elena Ritter says:

    Reminds me of Claudio and Hero from Much Ado About Nothing lol

  81. Chad Higgins says:

    People are more complicated than cats. It might be best not to bring up animals at all. When you compare people to animals that kind of makes you look like a jerk.

  82. b r y n l y j e a n says:

    Hey MedCircle, tell your host that's so focused on trying to understand mental illnesses that he needs to stop trying to laugh at them and referring them to animals because that's disgusting to do and hear. it's also unprofessional 🤷🏽‍♀️

  83. babe y says:

    This is great if you don't listen to the interviewer… 🙄

  84. Mike Hauben says:

    "Grow up a little bit". Nice bruh. Nice. Oh and people with BPD are like cats? MedCircle needs a new host.

  85. frowniebrown86 says:

    But honestly like…fuck how you feel one way or another about someone. It’s your responsibility not to lash out and be abusive regardless of your perception.

  86. Jon Smith says:

    This is dead on

  87. Chris Juliette says:

    I have bpd. I wish people who dont have BPD would stop trying to explain it. We can see grey its (in fact thats where our brains start going crazy) just that sometimes a negative thing will over power our good thoughts and then it hurts our brain and we project it out and feel like its your fault for our bad thoughts and thats why we say we hate you.

  88. Pamela Bergner says:

    I always have to chg the plaback speed to .75, when I.listen to her..

  89. Grace LoveBird says:

    Oh it is so important for people of BPD to understand when we are splitting and sometimes it helps when someone loving n caring calmly tells us what we are doing so we can recognize n calm down. Im learning to remind my own self when im doing that but it is always after the fact unfortunately.. Sometimes not at all till the next day. I learned about helping myself doing so when i took up CBT.. Altho i wld like to try DBT

  90. Ibti Ssem says:

    my psychiatric sucks all he does is give me meds and when i asked how long i should take these he said untill u settled but nothing about how or i should get therappy

  91. Celester says:

    "I think cats do a lot of splitting!!! LOLOLOLOLOL" ugh. Be quiet.

  92. Celester says:

    I KNOW when I'm splitting but I can't stop it. It's like watching a TV. It's a demonic possession. The truth hurts.

  93. Danny V says:

    BPD is an absolute living hell, but, it can get better. It has to. Never give up!!! But unfortunately, if you don't have it, you'll never "get" it. You'll think we're childish, you'll think we're acting out only to get our "undeserved" attention. And we know, we're so goddamn sensitive we immediately know when you're even thinking of taking us less serious, of abandoning us in any way. It's pain, pain, pain that goes deeper to the core than a normal person can ever fathom. If you have a loved one, please be patient. It might be over in a heartbeat. But they can also grow and heal and become the most amazing person you can be blessed of having around.

  94. V M says:

    Uhhh does she take Medi-cal? Lol

  95. Rachael M says:

    This guy is terrible at interviewing.

  96. Leesa Newton says:

    It can almost always be towards the self…..

  97. Paula boss says:

    Oh hell yeah i hate when i split

  98. Fuh Geddaboutit says:

    Excellent job Dr. Ramani D.!!!Thanks for sharing your knowledge. Outstanding and vivid explanation!!!

  99. Emokiriemi Abednego says:

    Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail  (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.

  100. Victoria Olsen says:

    Do all people with BPD experience splitting?

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