Childfree Over 50: Dealing with Unsolicited Advice, Opinions and Judgement about Choosing Childfree


and I’d really like for people out there
who watch us to maybe take a step back and ask yourself why was i scathing why
did I want to make a hateful message it’s because there’s something in what
you and I are saying that is triggering something in them that is more about
them and not about us and women’s decisions whether they want to have
children or not thanks so much for joining us again on
our second act with Paige and Silke for your second act of life hey Silke hi
Paige we have an interesting topic today at
least very interesting to us you know in in the recent few months we’ve produced
several videos on how we feel about not having had children in our 50s we
produce them from all sides you know not being able to or making the choice not
to and how we how we feel about that what’s been really interesting is that
this our audience really was intended to be women over 50 and we have that
discussion do you regret not having children how are you dealing with it
what we found is that thousands of young women weighed in on this topic because
they’re dealing with that right now and thousands of men joined in on this and
you just had an experience on the airplane that also went to what we’re
finding comments that are very appreciative very thankful very you know
encouraging that thank you for going there thank you for you know sharing
your experiences with us and then there’s the scathing comments
and that’s what we want to talk about today why is this such a hot button when
really it’s nobody’s business when it comes right down to it yeah I just you
know when I was on that when I was on the airplane there was a young 32 year
old sitting next to me and I don’t even how we got into the topic oh I know
there were parents on the flight and they had a small child that they were
the child was just screaming and screaming and I really felt for the
parents because you know there’s only so much you can do in a closed space and I
had said that to this young girl and she said that’s why I don’t want to have
children and then we started talking about it and she said you know ever
since I was little I knew that I didn’t want to have kids but she said my family
gets on me about it people say things to me oh you’ll
change your mind when you get older how come you’re not doing that you need to
do this I mean just bombarding her and what I said to her was and I’m somebody
who tried to have kids and couldn’t have children so I said to her kudos for you
for knowing your knowing that this is not something you’re supposed to do in
this lifetime and then I told you about that Silke that she was so appreciative
of just me hearing where she is in her life and being okay with that and I’d
never understand when someone makes unkind mean scathing remarks to a woman
who decides not to have children and even though I wanted them and couldn’t
have them that does not take away from women who make that choice because guess
what everybody has their purpose here in this lifetime
some people’s purpose is to have children others are not to have children
and do other things and there’s no room and there’s no space for unkind
uncompassionate hateful remarks when a woman is making that type of decision
and the biggest the biggest you know unkind if you will by putting it nicely
was that we are selfish for not wanting to have children or or me in that case
you actually received a couple bad ugly ones in that you waited too long why
wait so long you wanted your career it’s like no right and that’s an interesting
point that you two interesting points Silke that you made that it’s really easy
from the outside for someone to make unkind remarks without knowing all the
intricacies steps in daily journeys that a woman goes through whether they’re
trying to have children or whether they don’t want to have children and I’d
really like for people out there who watch us to maybe take a step back and
ask yourself why was i scathing why did I want to make a hateful message why do
I want to build on kindness because there’s something in what you and I are
saying that is triggering something in them that is more about that
and not about us and women’s decisions whether they want to have children or
not it’s about self reflection when you make a comment like that we’re open to
opinions anytime we love them but when it’s an unkind mean way our world
already has enough of that we don’t need anymore
well and and it’s interesting when it really it’s a topic and Tanya Williams
and I talked about this she’s the author of a happily a child free happily ever
after and actually we’re going to be chatting again this week as well to
where you know here’s something really my me not having children doesn’t affect
you doesn’t affect anybody why is it such a hot button you know and and why
is that selfish of me it’s selfish to really to have children if you just want
somebody to take care of you yeah to see what you know what a child of yours
would look like I mean there’s it’s a lot more unselfish not to and maybe
adopt you know how is that not as good if not better than procreating oh I’m gonna
get scathed on this one but that’s okay that’s okay you know my bottom line is
this every person comes into this lifetime
with a purpose and somebody’s purpose might be to try and have children and
couldn’t some yes I want to have children and others not to have children
everybody has their individual purposes and challenges that they’re supposed to
go through so we need to take a step back and not criticize in a mean unkind
way when somebody’s doing something in their life because there’s some kind of
a mirror going on there when someone makes an unkind
you know comment like that so I challenge those who want to make unkind
comments about what we’re doing right now in this series to ask themselves why
am I having this type of a reaction why am I getting triggered so much talk to
us about why you’re getting triggered don’t come at us or any other woman for
a decision that she made that was part of her life journey exactly and you know
I I don’t want to dwell on the negative because like I said 80% of our feedback
has been so wonderful and so you know encouraging
where I really felt like we’ve helped people younger women and that wasn’t our
intention that’s what was so interesting that the younger audience weighed in on
this and what what does happen is is the though when you see these comments and
when you get negative feedback it weighs heavier with you than it does
the positive for some reason it always has been and I know that women are still
under that pressure to feel like they have to have children and it’s time to
end that … Paige we’re coming to the end of the segment how what would you like
to leave as a point of reference you know I think I keep saying the same
thing of everybody comes in for a different purpose in their lifetime
whether they try to have children can’t or do have children or choose not to
have children it’s all about it’s up to the individual purpose and everyone’s
life journey and we need to take a step back and start having compassion and
kindness and looking at yourself as to why you want to be so hateful and mean
with your comments what are you being triggered with and starts off reflecting
on that and then come back to us with what you have self reflected on yeah
great point Paige we’ll see you next time on our second act with Paige and
Silke for your second act of life For more videos on this highly charged topic
childfree by choice please visit our website
2ndact.tv and if you haven’t already done so please be sure to subscribe to
our Channel buttons right over here see you next time

4 Responses

  1. Kiki D'Maurice says:

    I have a son and he's older now so I have a lot of free time
    When he was little strangers in front of him would ask me why I don't have more kids?Why don't you give him a brother or sister? ETC he was as young as 5 years old hearing this over and over…the strangers did not know I had 5 miscarriages with two sets of twins and almost died after an ectoptic pregnancy…so I was not a selfish woman depriving my son of siblings…my son had so many friends it was like having 6 kids in my house daily so I eventually never missed a second child…

  2. Enat P says:

    So much to say here…! It's interesting to me that not having children can somehow be interpreted as selfish. Anyone that has any understanding and concern about what's happening in the world will likely see not having children as an imortant contribution to keeping things in balance and I'm specifically speaking to population growth. As well, having worked with children for most of my career I can tell you that having a child does not make you a selfless person. There are numerous numerous points I can make here but the other point is that there are millions of orphaned and unwanted and abused and neglected children around the world. If you really feel like not having a child is selfish then I would encourage you to make a contribution to one of these children. These points are just the tip of the iceberg for me. Thanks for bringing this up!

  3. April Hall says:

    I'm 52, happily married, and we decided early to not reproduce. No regrets here! In fact, as we've gotten older, and consider the state of the planet, we're ever more glad we chose not to reproduce. In the absence of an overwhelming urge to make babies, I could not discern a logical reason to reproduce, and many good reasons not to. Thanks for addressing the issue!

  4. kk70x7 says:

    I don't have children but I would have liked to. It was relational issues that kept me from that as I was raised by a single mother and had no interest in that for myself. I've never understood anyone who would denigrate a woman for not having kids. Honestly, what do they care? All I can figure is that its actually jealousy they did not follow the same path.

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