Chappelle’s Show – Tron Carter’s “Law & Order” – Uncensored


– HOW WAS WORK TODAY, CHARLES? – OH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD. ACCOUNTING’S COMPLAINING ABOUT
US MISLEADING THE STOCKHOLDERS AND BLOWING
THE EMPLOYEE PENSIONS AND– WHAT A BUNCH OF BABIES. I MEAN, COME ON, THIS IS
BUSINESS, PEOPLE, RIGHT? AND SPEAKING OF BUSINESS, YEAH? [growls] SATCHCO, TAKE A POWDER. AND YOU. – [screams] – [growls]
– [meows] – SNUGGLE BUNNY! – [laughs] – GET ON THE GROUND! – [screaming] [dog panting] – SHUT THAT
FUCKING DOG UP! [gunshot] GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND! STOP RESISTING, SIR! [phone ringing] – NIGGA, I SAID STOP
CALLING HERE, ALL RIGHT? I’M BAGGING UP THE COKE UP
AS FAST AS I CAN! – I’M DETECTIVE
CHARLES STEVENS FROM THE DADE COUNTY
POLICE DEPARTMENT. I’VE GOT A WARRANT HERE
FOR YOUR ARREST. – A WARRANT? – CHARGE IS COCAINE TRAFFICKING, AND, UM, FRANKLY, I’M AFRAID I DON’T KNOW
HOW TO HANDLE IT. – OH, MAN, WE GOT TO
BE CAREFUL WITH THIS. WE DON’T WANT TO EMBARRASS
SOMEBODY LIKE ME IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY
AND MY COMMUNITY. I TELL YOU WHAT, I’LL COME IN AND TURN MYSELF IN
AROUND THURSDAY, OKAY? – IS 1:00 GOOD FOR YOU? – OH, NO,
THAT’S NO GOOD FOR ME. I’VE GOT SOME TRIM
COMING AT 12:00. I’LL TURN MYSELF IN,
SAY, BETWEEN 2:00 AND 6:00? – THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH
FOR YOUR HELP AND, AGAIN, I’M SORRY FOR
THE INCONVENIENCE. – OH, NO PROBLEM. ONE LOVE. – UH, YEAH.
I LOVE YOU TOO. – SO WHAT AM I
CHARGED WITH? – YEAH, LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW,
YOU LITTLE BITCH. – [coughing] COULD YOU DO ME
A FAVOR AND NOT SMOKE? I’M ALLERGIC. – OH, HEY,
I’M SORRY, CHUCK. WHY DON’T I DO YOU A FAVOR AND
PUT IT OUT THERE FOR YOU, HUH? – [screaming] – HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
YOU PIECE OF CRAP! I WANT ANSWERS, PUNK! – [whimpers] I WANT TO TALK
TO MY LAWYER! – HE WANTS TO TALK
TO HIS LAWYER. – LEGAL AID, YOU’RE ON. – SORRY, YOU’RE, LIKE,
MY 14TH CASE THIS WEEK. SOMEBODY TAKE A PISS IN HERE? – IT WAS ME! I PEED. [timid elevator music] [timid elevator music] – I WOULD LIKE
TO COMPLIMENT YOU GENTLEMEN ON A VERY CLASSY,
BALLER-ASS SPREAD WITH CHEESES THAT I’VE
NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE. AND MY APOLOGIES
FOR BEING LATE, BUT I GOT CAUGHT UP
WITH SOME POONANY. [laughs] – WELL, SO,
IT’S LIKE I SAID, WE DON’T WANT TO MAKE
A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING. YOU’RE A COCAINE DEALER, BUT YOU’VE DONE A LOT
OF GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY. – OH, I KNOW, MAN. ON THANKSGIVING,
I BE PASSING TURKEYS OUT LIKE NINO BROWN, BABY. – BUT, SERIOUSLY,
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. HOW ABOUT YOU TESTIFY
BEFORE A SENATE COMMITTEE AND SPEND TWO MONTHS AT CLUB FED? – WHEN I GET OUT, CAN I STILL TRAFFIC ROCKS
TO THE COMMUNITY? – ABSOLUTELY NOT! – YOU’RE RIGHT.
SELLING ROCKS WOULD BE WRONG. [laughs] JAIL’S THE SHIT! – ANYWAY,
HE POINTS THE GUN AT US, AND HE TELLS HIS DOG
TO SIC US. IT WAS AT THAT POINT
THAT I FIRED UPON THE CANINE AND WE WERE ABLE
TO SUBDUE MR. JEFFRIES. UPON FURTHER SEARCH
OF THE MANSION, WE WERE ABLE
TO LOCATE THIS: PURE COLOMBIAN HEROIN. – YEAH, WAIT A MINUTE. YOUR HONOR, I DON’T KNOW
WHO’S HEROIN THAT IS, BUT IT CERTAINLY
ISN’T MINE. – THEN HIS WIFE THREW
HER TITTIES IN MY HAND. IT WAS WEIRD, YOUR HONOR. – YOU GRABBED
HER TITTIES! I SAW YOU! – BEFORE I SENTENCE YOU, IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU’D LIKE TO SAY? – OKAY, FIRST OF ALL– – ALL RIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH. YOU’RE THE WORST KIND OF SCUM ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. YOU’RE AN ANIMAL. A FILTHY,
BIG-LIPPED BEAST. I’D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE
THE JURY OF YOUR PEERS FOR REACHING
A VERDICT SO QUICKLY. TEN MINUTES
IS A NEW COURT RECORD. ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS WILL BE
SEIZED IMMEDIATELY BY THE COURT, AND YOU WILL RECEIVE
THE MANDATORY MINIMUM OF LIFE IN PRISON. PLENTY OF TIME TO LIFT WEIGHTS AND CONVERT TO ISLAM. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT,
YOU FUCK. – SIR, IS IT TRUE YOU WERE
A CRACK COCAINE DEALER FOR SEVEN YEARS? – I PLEAD THE FIFTH. – SIR, WILL YOU TELL US ABOUT
THE CARTELS YOU DEALT WITH IN YOUR TIME
AS A CRACK COCAINE DEALER? – UM, NO, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT I PLEAD THE FIZZIFTH. – EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEY
DID YOU EARN IN YOUR TIME
AS A CRACK COCAINE DEALER? – ♪ THERE ♪ ♪ ARE ♪ ♪ I SAID,
THERE ARE ♪ ♪ SO MANY AMENDMENTS ♪ ♪ IN THE CONSTITUTION ♪ ♪ OF THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA ♪ ♪ I CAN ONLY CHOOSE ONE ♪ [glass whistling] ♪ I CAN ONLY CHOOSE ♪ ♪ ONE ♪ ♪ I PLEAD THE FIFTH ♪ ♪ I PLEAD
THE FIFTH ♪ ♪ FIVE ♪ ♪ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIFTH ♪ ♪ ANYTHING YOU SAY,
FIFTH ♪ ♪ GO AHEAD,
ASK ME A QUESTION ♪ – DID YOU– – ♪ FIFTH ♪ SIR, I HAVE A SECRET DOCUMENT
THAT I THINK YOU NEED TO SEE. ♪ FIFTH ♪ – THAT WILL BE ALL, SIR.
GOOD AFTERNOON. – I GOT YOUR SENTENCE
REDUCED TO A MONTH, BUDDY. – OH! [laughs]

100 Responses

  1. It's Akile says:

    Lmao, I love selling rocks

  2. Jason Jamal says:

    Forever brilliant

  3. Anthony McIntosh says:

    This ish could never play on tv today…especially in this pc culture 😔

  4. AcClay44 says:

    One love……I love you too.😂😂😂

  5. Daniel Hesse says:

    Devin Weston got fucced up.

  6. Harry CallahanX says:

    Chappelle is a prophet, predicting modern Hollywood. That's why they hated him

  7. peace frog says:

    haha Geoff Dawes you ol' dirty bastard!

  8. Michelle Jackson says:

    I can't stand David 😁😁😁😁

  9. foredamusic says:

    Bill burr lol

  10. Casey Simmons says:

    “Then his wife threw her titties in my hand. It was weird your honor.” I died 😂👍🏼

  11. Theze Here says:

    …5:39, the guy on the right about to crack up.

  12. ratili0 says:

    This shit so fucking relevant still main…

  13. Sonny bernis says:

    America is the major purchaser of drugs……..the bullshit u see on the news ""drugs conficated in NY/ Texas/ CA etc"" all just a diversion to make america seem like they are stopping illegal drugs, when in reality those are give aways and payments to the CIA, FBI,DEA to show off to the news to make dumb fuck americans believe they are stopping the import of drugs😂😂

  14. Brandi lord says:

    One love

  15. six million says:

    I love you too 😂😂😂😂😂

  16. Mahesh Sridhar says:

    1:08 guy plays the convenience store owner who wins the coin-toss in No Country For Old men

  17. Jason Geo says:

    Is that bill fuckin burr the god???

  18. Sirjacome48 says:

    This is why I go out of my way to beat the fuck out of ever white person i can. Especially when I’m leaving a bar and they’re drunk

  19. Kagiso Lekoa says:

    The Boss pose at the end hahahahaha.

  20. ali bazzi says:

    I plead the fif

  21. Colby Sechelski says:

    FiF

  22. Sean Prescott says:

    Who’s watching this again after Sticks & Stones 2019? 😂 Absolutely No One Is Safe. 🤣😂🤣

  23. loonvisionnaire says:

    both timely and timeless

  24. Eddie G says:

    Years later… and I'm still laughing my ass off about this freaking episode😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

  25. EZ Breezy says:

    The lawyers at the end though…😂

  26. Woody Villa says:

    All in plain sight

  27. Hortinus says:

    3:59 ol 'Billy Blue Balls still got it 😂😂😂

  28. tom's video hole says:

    shut that dog up LMFAO

  29. BoUrnNe26 says:

    I just want to know how many takes it took for them to get through Tron's courtroom scene without anyone on that set laughing at the Fif song. 😂

  30. FullyLaidBack says:

    Wow i saw this so long ago when i was a kid. I'm just now getting this skit. Wow.

  31. macaryl95 says:

    You know the audience was real back in these days. I heard one chick say "Club Fed." 😂

  32. Lord Fader says:

    Bill Bur should keep the mustache

  33. doc johnson says:

    Ol billy red tits

  34. Ralph Jenkins says:

    Whose here after sticks and stones?

  35. Shemz Love says:

    Oooffffff role reversal

  36. Brandon Vecchio says:

    This is how we should be treating people instead of the reality which is the reverse

  37. Bieassia Law says:

    A classic ringing tie and true in 2019

  38. Montesama314 says:

    Ain't see this one in a century.

  39. HbkFredo 6 says:

    Did he just say Dade county

  40. ッRad Shawn says:

    never gets old ……………………..FIF

  41. Oshain Ferguson says:

    That cop had the heroine in his jacket pocket lol I guess that evidence is going home with him after court😂

  42. Oshain Ferguson says:

    The judge be like: "I'd like to congratulate the Jury….."lol those guys be some str888 up thugz 😎☻😈👿🤬😡🤨😠

  43. rhuttrho88 says:

    One Two Three Four FIIIF!👋🏿

  44. FUTURE says:

    5:22 watch the folks in the back who trying not crack up

  45. ShaneRtube says:

    Holy shit I forgot Bill Burr was on this show. This and Breaking Bad. Been on 2 of the greatest shows of all time what a career!

  46. dreamisolympia88 says:

    Get out of my sight you….fuck

  47. Mr. Duane Sharpe says:

    1,2,3,4…fiiifffffffffffff lmao

  48. Robert Lee says:

    That is exactly what takes place. It's not funny truth.
    In Miami 1980s

  49. MIKE LIBOONOW says:

    This comedy is pure genius1

  50. Chris P. Bacon says:

    Still funny and still true.

  51. Flyby Gaming says:

    Poonahnay

  52. Ja Mob says:

    When he pulls out the piece of paper with "fif" written on it🤣🤣

  53. Corry Burton says:

    I never realized that was Bill Burr….

  54. Timothy Hyer says:

    The detective who first calls Trent is the store clerk from no country for old men

  55. Just_The_Fax says:

    I hit the 👍🏾 as soon as I saw uncensored.

  56. Robbie Moon says:

    Tron got some TRIM coming at 12

  57. Robbie Moon says:

    He got caught up with some punani ( sniffs the fingaz)

  58. Zack Kampf says:

    Now get out of my sight you fffffffuck

  59. hernan perez says:

    shut that fucking the dog uppp!!!!! BLAM

  60. iseetrolledpeople says:

    "He he he"

  61. Crystal Ausbrooks says:

    No problem. One love.

    …I love you too.

  62. darcaro _love says:

    I can completely understand this joke to a T

  63. tamas mihaly says:

    Love Chappelle, but i also understand racism. Unfortunately he is an outlier in the black community.

  64. Sabrina Hopson says:

    I plead the FIF

  65. lilyusi says:

    Good God has this aged incredibly well. Scary.

  66. Amanda Archer says:

    Fucking Bill Burr i forgot he used to cameo. XD

  67. Ai'Shah Balogun says:

    the jurries are all black here 😂😂😂😂
    in reality they'll be white. judging a black

  68. Gagan Sagar says:

    🤣🤣is that bill burr….

  69. Pedro Ponce says:

    This reminds me of Keefe D 😂😂😂😂

  70. Sandy Clark says:

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  71. Vanhook4456 says:

    Can I still slang rocks??
    Absolutely not!!!😉🤫FiiiiiiF
    "Jails the shit"😁😂🤣😅

  72. Papa Burgundy says:

    "You grabbed her titties! I saw you!"

  73. G T says:

    Sad part is that is truly how it work lol just as KILLERY KLINTON🤣🤣🤣🤣

  74. Black Templar Astartes says:

    Was that a frag grenade?

  75. Jonathan Sakks says:

    That dog is the Meg Griffin of the dog world

  76. Rusty Shackleford says:

    "Now get out of my sight you fuck."XD

  77. Discount Chocolate says:

    I remember when I was a kid, my sheltered naive white mind couldn't wrap itself around the horrible treatment of the white criminal and the absurdly accommodating treatment of the black one. It took me until years later to realize what this sketch was actually about and recognize the simple genius of the premise and brilliant execution. It's a damn shame this sketch is still so relevant. #BlackLivesMatter

  78. Khor Rissey says:

    How TF do those guys stay looking serious in the congressional hearings. I would be in tears laughing!

  79. I love the universe. says:

    Shut that dog up😂😂😂

  80. Mike Smith says:

    This is the fif time of me watching this in 2019

  81. Juan Montilla says:

    Who else came here after the felicity Hoffman sentence😂

  82. Mike Johnson says:

    That’s Bill Burr.

  83. Mobi D. says:

    One of the most brilliant skits of all times.

  84. eljaroe beukes says:

    TBH this is how people who steal pensions should be treated.

  85. D H says:

    Hey, Bill Burr was on Chappelle..

  86. Christopher TheCarpenter says:

    Chappelle is king of comedy Still Reigning.

  87. Kel says:

    I'M FREAKING DYING HERE! Chappelle's Show was and still is one of the greatest sketch comedy shows of all time.

  88. Abdelfettah ayadi says:

    Lmao damn dog got it.

  89. Zach Jones says:

    Dave should get a new show on Netflix.

  90. Mohd Naim says:

    Convert to islam…hahaha…

  91. Denis Tsedilin says:

    Fucking A!

  92. Bee Yang says:

    i plea the fifth. -nick diaz – dave chappelle

  93. FkUitsABIGBUSINESS AMERICA says:

    Pure Colombian heroine lol

  94. Griffith Guts says:

    😨 bill burr makes an awesome police

  95. T L says:

    Felicity hoffman rings a bell here.

  96. Mitch g says:

    Damn not the dog! mutha fracking

  97. Ruben Hernandez says:

    I just noticed but isnt that bill burr at 3:46?

  98. Michael McBride says:

    lmao, back when Bill Burr had hair!

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